I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Panties = found
Randomize
