fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
