i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I won the penis lottery.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had sex on a roof
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
