Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
