My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
