im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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