I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
