I want to have your abortion
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize