She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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