Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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