i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
