I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
