it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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