Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize