so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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