I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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