addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
