My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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