For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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