The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
