i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize