I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
