he told me I talked like a deaf person
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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