I am puke
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
