I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
