I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
