did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
