mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
