My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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