The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
