I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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