I didn't shave. On purpose
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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