So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
