nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
