I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
