Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
