Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
