Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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