my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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