Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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