Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
