I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
