ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
