I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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