I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
