There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
