Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
