i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
