Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
