fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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