I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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