And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
