Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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