The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
