He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
try to milk me bitch
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
