omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
