I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
