her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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