it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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