Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
