I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
