I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize